Breaking through people’s barriers to change

Resistance is futile…

But thanks to the jolly old human protection mechanisms of cognitive dissonance, those who we experience as putting up barriers of resistance to change may not know they’re doing it.

Each type of relationship you have can pose different challenges when resistance arises –– and different negative effects when that resistance goes unprocessed.

When your spouse or romantic partner is resistant to change, it might affect the intimacy you experience together. Or perhaps it’ll create an energy of tension in the household.

If a team member or employee resists change, it can affect their productivity and output, the bottom line, and the company culture.

When investors enter resistance, you may feel forced to make decisions for the business you disagree with. Or maybe their stress creates added stress for you.

And when it’s in your clients or customers, unacknowledged resistance can lead to a lack of results… and maybe even loss of revenues for your company.

Then there’s resistance in parenting. Your children’s resistance might be the most gut-wrenching of all…

This puts you at odds between wanting to protect your kids and wondering if you’re parenting them with the love they deserve.

However we slice it, other people’s resistance tends to pose challenges for us, too.

It adds to the time and energy we expend dealing with things.

And if we feel things deeply, their resistance may bring up feelings of frustration, doubt, despair, anger, loneliness, or grief.

I used to feel this way, too…

Then, I learned how to use other people’s resistance as fuel to create the change I wished to see.

This might sound like I used their resistance to change them.

But chances are you know that trying to change others only backfires and causes more problems.

So what on earth am I suggesting, then?

Well, the thing about being a sorceress is this…

I’m deeply committed to operating from SOURCE perspective.

This means that in every situation, no matter the discord or disconnect, there’s a perspective that’s beyond my ego’s “wants” and beyond the ego of the other person involved.

Finding this place is what allows us to break through barriers people put up to avoid change.

Uncovering Source perspective is the way to break through other people’s resistance.

When we uncover Source perspective in our relationships and circumstances, what’s possible guides the way.

So what’s the recipe to uncover Source perspective?

The first ingredient is the last thing we expect.

When others are in resistance, we think it’s about them.

But here’s the thing…

The way you experience their resistance is everything when it comes to ushering Source perspective through.

Once we’ve built a foundation of understanding the experience we’re having of their resistance as part of our path to growth, then we can begin to work with their resistance.

At this point, there are ways to dialogue with the person’s resistance to support them in opening.

However, there’s one more piece of the recipe that’s required for this to happen…

And that is that WE open, as well.

We must embody openness to be able to sense, see, feel, and know when and how resistance wants to be dismantled.

The moment we think we “know” is the moment we fail in dismantling resistance.

This is because, as dictated by the first ingredient, the experience we are having of their resistance is never purely about their resistance alone.

It takes learning how to dance through ego unraveling — theirs and ours simultaneously — to dismantle barriers of resistance.

What happens when we can reach this capacity is a profound sense of leadership.

Leadership, from Source perspective, is one of shared power.

And when we can share the authentic power available to us, the change we wish to see shows us the way forward.

Other people’s resistance isn’t intended to be this harsh thing that frustrates you, holds back progress, and defeats what’s possible.

When used as the fuel for greater possibility, other people’s resistance can become kindling to light the fire of change your soul has been wishing for.

Sure, it’s not what your ego thought was needed. But since when does the best stuff come through our ego, rather than our soul’s deeper knowing, anyway?