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The spiral growth systems blog

Feminine Power Is Not a Synonym For Control

I spent 13 years as a social worker, with a focus in domestic violence. If you’re at all familiar with the dynamics of domestic violence, you’ll be familiar with the term “power and control”. It’s what causes domestic violence and sexual abuse, this internal, ego/instinct based (and more importantly, fear based) need that our human (ie. not spirit) based selves take on as if it were real. And though “power” and “control” are two separate words, used to convey two different meanings, they’re often used together as synonyms of each other, as if they were essentially the same thing. And that’s because the fear based self wants power in order to gain control. And so, when talking about feminine power, it’s easy to create an instant misperception of the term, as if it were related to wanting to use one’s womanly ways to control others. And yet, it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

Feminine power is really just femininity. As women, we have an innate sense of power that comes through being ourselves. But it’s really the opposite of the way power is usually portrayed. Power is usually seen as firm and restrained, or closed off. As women, we are soft and open. Power is usually perceived as lacking compassion. As women, we are compassion. It’s often viewed as based in the mind and intellect. As women, we live in the heart and soul. It’s easy to see how feminine power can so easily become misunderstood.

The only way to cultivate feminine power is by learning who you are as a woman; by exploring your femininity and owning it as one of the most beautiful and necessary parts of your being. So much of what we’re taught to be as women is the opposite. We’re taught to set strong boundaries so people don’t screw us over. We’re taught to act, dress, and speak like a man so that we can be well respected in our careers. We’re taught to take care of ourselves and never expect others to do it for us. None of this is in alignment with the open, receiving nature of a woman. None of this allows room for our hearts or intuition to lead, and none of it allows for softness or compassion. And it’s not just men that these qualities attract. Other women are more responsive to the genuine behaviors we exhibit as a woman. Take a look at the women in your life you respect, and respond to the most, and it’s likely you’ll see examples of this truer, more authentic form of feminine power. Then ask yourself which of these qualities feels better to exhibit, and it’s likely you’ll find your own cultivation of feminine power. Because really, it’s just what feels better anyway.

 

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