One feverish, sweaty night. Two hours of sleep. A racing mind, heart and body that, despite physical and emotional exhaustion, won’t let me sleep.
When I finally awoke this morning, exhaustion immediately set in and my body begged for more sleep, but my daily responsibilities and soul were calling me to get up, so I rose.
My first thought of the day?
Damn. What a message from the universe.
My mind began connecting the dots, the way you see lines connect the stars in a constellation, creating a meaningful shape and symbol in the night sky. While I don’t understand the image before me yet, I am clear that something shifted inside me the night before.
I’ve been going through some major transformations – emotionally, physically, spiritually – and it’s all making me feel a little off kilter.
I was just starting to feeling like I “had it all figured out.”
As my mind began connecting the dots, our posts from the last few weeks popped into my awareness. We talked about planning (from our pleasure sorceress) and how to use confusion as a tool for growth.
But the truth? No number of tips in the world help us avoid the unknown in our lives; it’s a necessity for us. It’s a necessity for our growth and journey.
Yet, it’s really fucking uncomfortable.
The commonalities and parallels that you can experience when you’re amidst it all can make it hard to access the most basic core feelings we can easily tap into on a typical day.
But we’re in the journey, what can we do?
How can we feel into the unknown without being absolutely terrified? How can we sit in the unknown with confidence? How can we muddle around in the unknown without losing our identity? How can we have an identity when we feel we have no self-definition to claim?
- Reminder: you’re made of many layers.
Remember to not isolate each individual behavior as a judgment for your whole human. While this doesn’t mean shy away from holding yourself accountable, it does mean give yourself the benefit of the doubt.Being made of many layers means you’re always discovering new things about yourself. Don’t yourself for those things; just get curious. Ask yourself what a behavior is about, especially if it’s an old bad habit or something “out of character.” - Drop into your body.
When you’re amidst it all, don’t fight it! Drop into your body and feel & swim with the unknown. Hey, it might be uncomfortable at first. It’s like not being able to see the bottom of the ocean you’re swimming in – you have NO idea what’s down there.Drop into your body and check in with yourself about the unknown. Does it feel scary? Safe? Exciting? What’s at the core of the unknown? Journaling or just sitting with the feeling will help you get acquainted with it once you can get past the judgment. - Don’t stop living!
Often when we experience the unknown surrounding us, it makes us question everything going on. It feels similar to an existential identity crisis, because you thought you had things all previously figured out.Don’t let the unknown shake you to your core. Instead, live alongside it and go about your day. Treat it like a new companion. This will help you remember that you haven’t lost your identity! You’re just going through a transformation, and the unknown is there to aid you through the process.
And hey, we get it: this shit isn’t easy.
We’re constantly doing the work, getting vulnerable and having conversations we don’t expect to be having or even want to have.
My own lack of sleep and panicked, racing thoughts last night were all just the universe trying to tell me not be afraid to voice how I’m feeling: Scared to leave my comfort zone.
Because there’s so much happening in my life – can I pull this off? A full-time business? A sick cat being taken care of by friends? Multiple launches and responsibilities on my shoulders? And spending time with family?
To be honest, I still don’t know if I can pull it off.
But it’s less scary now that I’ve said it out loud. I’m going about my day. I feel more at rest (even though I’m exhausted from lack of sleep). I still have no clue if I can do it, but I’m feeling better.
No one is asking you to be comfortable in the discomfort, but you don’t have to lose yourself in the process of expansion and transformation.
You’re still you. Beautiful. Evolving.
You’re just experiencing some growth.
