There is a lot of buzz these days about the masculine and the feminine. We’re seeking a truth in polarity; a truth in gender; a truth in who we are and how we relate to each other. Men are finding themselves as men in this world, and women are owning their feminine essence and the (totally different kind of) power they hold in it. For years our society raced toward gender equality; now we’re seeking gender balance, harmony, and an understanding of ourselves and each other that lifts us all up into who we actually want to be.
When I first embarked on this journey as a woman, I found a deep comfort in the polarity I felt with strong men. I enjoyed being in the presence of a man who really owned his masculinity (or what I made it up to be at the time), and a “provider protector” energy that gave me space to melt into him out of safety, reassurance and comfort. For those of you not clear on what women really need, safety is a BIG key for us (whether we’re willing to admit it or not).
I found solace in these beautiful examples of masculine strength. But over time, started to wonder where the beautiful examples of masculine weakness were. I had seen strong men cry, but every time they came close to expressing their emotions it was as if they cowered inward and lost themselves out of an apparent belief that their emotions weren’t okay. Did they believe that they couldn’t be men and cry? Likely yes, as what I witnessed was men turning into boys when they cried.
With each man I would witness in this state, all I wanted was to hold space for him; to be that wide open, feminine space in which he could feel seen and supported. I wanted this so badly, and yet had trouble being that when all I could see was the little boy. Little boys are sweet, but they don’t want a Queen in those moments; they want a mommy. And so, I could muster up compassion, and stand by their side, but in these moments the polarity I felt with them waned. [Note: I’m not saying that polarity is 100% important all of the time. We all have our own versions of masculine and feminine essence, and we’re allowed to flip flop roles. However, I did find it much harder to be the woman these men wanted in such circumstances.]
But I knew it didn’t have to be this way. I knew that every human being, in their most authentic form, had feelings, and that our feelings were our connection to our truth. I began to wonder what it would take for a man to be so strong in himself that he could become connected to that version of his truth without shrinking.
And sometimes, all it takes is an intention and a little bit of curiosity to get what you want.
In no time, men began to show up in my life who were so strong in themselves that they could crack wide open without losing track of who they are. I’ll never forget the first time I saw it. I stood in his presence, actually wanting to hold space; to be the Queen for him (and, honestly, even more attracted to this man who was really just a friend than I had been to any man, ever). So trust me guys, assuming you know you’re enough , it’s actually hot when you cry.
And it wasn’t long after that these men began to show up everywhere for me. My coaching practice, synchronistically enough, grew from 10% men to 50% men over the course of the last year since I first witnessed such truth in masculine essence. Every good coach grows along with their practice (or really, vice versa), and I suppose I was finally ready to hold space for the transformation of the most badass men. Now, I’m blessed to get to experience the tears of men sometimes multiple times a day. In fact, my male clients who allow themselves to crack open and display their emotions with ease are also the ones willing to go the deepest. And trust me, it takes a strong person to be willing to go as deep as I’m willing to take them.
And now, every time I witness a man cry, I actually feel more in my power as a woman. The compassion I used to feel for the men I had witnessed crying before this shift has since been replaced by gratitude. It’s not that the compassion has disappeared, but I now realize that what our men need is for us, as women, to stand in our essence by their side as they go deep. It is this power that we have as women that supports them in going even deeper. So thank you, men, for being willing to show up for us women as all of who you are.
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